Gears of Comedy: Road To Ruin Parody
by MyFantasiWorld
Summary: After finding Maria, Marcus and Dom make a choice to either go Rambo-style on the Locust Horde or go under stealth mode to sneak past them. By choosing the stealth path, they'll come across the main gates that'll lead into the Locust's home. But instead of easily bypassing through the gates, what will they do when they find two Theron Guards controlling it? - Oneshot! Please, R&R!


Gears of Comedy presents…

" **Road To Ruin" Parody  
** by Stephanie G., aka MyFantasiWorld

 **Copyrights:** Everything that is Gears of War belongs to Epic Games, People Can Fly, and The Coalition. Other material used here either belongs to me or other creators.

 **Rating:** Rated T for violence and use of mild language.

 **A/N:** Hey there, you guys, I know it's been a long time since I've updated any written material on this site, so for the sake of keeping this account alive I'm going to update and re-upload old Gears of War fanfictions I haven't touched in a while. After I do this, I'm planning to make some pretty good stories in the future.

Thanks to the announcement of Gears of War 4, I have some ideas to make a fanfiction that ties together after Gears of War 3 and before Gears of War 4. But that is a whole different story I'll tell as soon as I get the first chapter up of the said fanfiction, so look forward to it!

Aside from that, this is an old comedy one-shot I made back in 2009 dealing with the campaign level on the Gears of War 2: All Fronts Collection game, called "Road To Ruin". I wrote this before I ever played the level, so I just made up a lot of stuff here. I hope you enjoy this one, and please, R&R. Critiques acceptable.

Here is the first original description I created while making the story, in case anyone is interested in seeing it:

"Hey, look at that! No sexual themes! Anyway, this is a small parody I ended up thinking about when I heard about the new campaign level, "Road To Ruin", on the Gears of War 2: All Fronts Collection installment. I don't know what happens in the chapter, so nothing here will contain any spoilers. I hope you enjoy, and please, be sure to leave me a review!"

 **Summary:** After finding Maria, Marcus and Dom make a choice to either go Rambo-style on the Locust Horde or go under stealth mode to sneak past them. By choosing the stealth path, they'll come across the main gates that'll lead into the Locust's home. But instead of easily bypassing through the gates, what will they do when they find two Theron Guards controlling it?

* * *

The gates were probably as tall as a two-story building. Maybe even more.

Damn, these locusts made sure that no one would pass through here! Unless if a locust was smart enough to use a Reaver and fly over it, then that was another story…

Otherwise, there was no way the two soldiers would be able to pass, let alone climb over it.

Marcus and Dom, wearing the Theron Guard armory they had found earlier as a disguise, made an immediate stop to observe the obstacle that was said to lead them into the home of the Locust Horde.

Marcus was the first to state the obvious, mumbling almost to himself, "Now how the hell are we going to get through that?"

Dom shook his head and answered, "You got me."

Not too far away from them - well, not too far atop of them, actually - there were two Theron Locusts standing guard at the top of the whole blockade. One of them looked out lazily into the horizon picking at the arrow on his torque bow, while the other one was snoring away and dreaming about stuff Locusts would normally dream of.

The guard who was playing with his weapon suddenly pricked his finger with the arrow's head and squeaked out in pain. He pulled away quickly and stared at his bleeding finger, but in his peripheral vision he caught sight of their two 'comrades' below them.

Well, to them, they weren't comrades to begin with. In fact, they were rookies who had barely begun to serve in the army, and the two high-ranking guards had to teach them the proper way of how to… well, guard the gates.

The Privates would be called Tweedledum and Tweedledee instead of their real names, because the guards would consider them as dumbbells, hence their low ranks. So at certain times they enjoyed bullying them around for no particular reason, but only to be the assholes they were meant to be.

So when the guard with the pricked finger spotted the two below, he shook the sleeping Locust roughly next to him. "Hey, Louie, get your ass up!" the unnamed Locust said out loud, "The newbies are here."

The Locust, named Louie, hit the other Locust's hand away and got up groggily. Blinking his eyes a few more times, he made a rather large yawn and stretched himself until he felt his back pop. Louie, annoyed that his friend disturbed his rest, responded, "What you say, Steve?"

"Look!" Steve pointed down at the gates towards the disguised men.

Louie followed to where his finger was pointing at and found two Theron Guards they were most familiar with. He jumped up and grinned evilly.

"Oh, hey! Look who's here!" Louie responded loud enough to help Marcus and Dom hear him.

Due to being an large underground tunnel, his words echoed and traveled far enough to the Locust Queen's main castle, where Myrrah lay sleeping in her bed.

The Queen woke up and sat up quickly in fright. She then turned left and right to try and find the source of the noise, but not being successful only concluded to herself that she was probably dreaming. She laid back and went back to her beauty rest.

Back at the main gates, both Marcus and Dom looked at each other almost believing they have been found out by their disguises.

Louie continued, "If it isn't _Tweedldum_ and _Tweedledee_!" The camouflaged soldiers then looked at each other in confusion.

Dom whispered next to his friend, "Marcus, who the hell's Tweedledee and Tweedledum?"

"I don't know. It could be these suits we're wearing."

"Really? How can they tell who's who? They all look the fucking same!"

Marcus only gestured a shrug as an answer.

Unbeknown to them, the suits had the names etched on both of their upper-body armor at the back. Louie and Steve were sneaky enough to carve it on when the newbies were taking their breaks from their training. Before they were alive, of course.

If Marcus and Dom _did_ see it, they wouldn't know how to read Locust writing anyway. They thought the etched names was scratched on by some sort of beast that was trying to claw through their armor in a battle or something.

Then from atop the tall obstacle, Louie asked furiously, "What happened to your post? You stupid retards are supposed to be guarding up there!" he pointed at the location of their post, "So if I were both of you, I'd get those ugly asses back to where they're supposed to be, or so Myrrah help me, I'll kick them over there for you!"

After hearing that, Marcus growled menacingly ready to climb the damn thing - if it were possible - and beat his ass to death, but he was stopped by Dom's hand being placed onto his shoulder.

"Don't worry, man, I got this," Dom assured him, calming down the beast fighting inside of Marcus. The Hispanic then took a step forward to the gates to make sure he was close enough for the locusts to hear him. As Steve gave a hearty "Good one" remark to his friend, they both got startled by the sound of unusual noises. They looked down to find Tweedledee who was - well, the way they saw it - acting like a moron.

"Growl! Snarl! Grrr! Roar! Quack-Quack! Moo! Screech! Howl! Squeak! Bark, bark!… meow?"

Everyone grew silent. Marcus was even giving him a "What the fuck was that?!" look. Louie and Steve looked at each other in disbelief for a moment and afterwards burst out into a huge laugh.

Dom was accompanied with Marcus again, but only to receive a slap at the back of his head. "Dom! What the hell was all that?!"

"Hey, I thought they spoke a different language or something!"

"Didn't you just here one of them talking a while ago? They speak _our_ language too! Shit, even throughout the _whole fucking game_ they speak our language!"

Taking a moment to recollect the moments, he said, "Oh."

The two Theron Guards took a breather from their obnoxious laughing and wiped the tears forming in their eyes. Then Steve yelled out, while Louie snickered a bit more, "Hey Tweedledee, I'm sorry, but we don't speak _Stupid_! Why don't you try speaking _Tyran_?" They both started to exert out even a more obnoxious laughter, making the two soldiers become enraged at the guards and more frustrated at trying to bypass the structure.

Marcus finally stormed over closer to the gates, which made the two stop their laughter, and yelled out, "Hey, assholes! Open the goddamn gates so we can pass!"

Steve then turned to Louie, and sarcastically said, "Ooo, would you look at that, Louie… It looks like Tweedledum here is _mad_!"

"He sure is," Louie snickered and turned to the disguised soldier, "Hey, Tweedledum, I would like to see you _try and make us_!"

Now that busted his nerve. While the two Locusts started to laugh out loud again, Marcus pointed his Boltok up at the one named Louie and placed his finger to the trigger.

 _BANG! SPLAT!_

Steve shot down into the nest quickly from the noise, and a few seconds later poked his head out to find his friend decapitated from the head.

It was a perfect headshot, and Tweedledum's Boltok was the one that made it happen.

"You're next, bitch." Marcus slightly moved his weapon's crosshairs to target the other Locust's face. Being scared as hell, Steve was unaware he had lost his bladder control and raised his arms in surrender. "Now I'm going to ask you again… Open the fucking gates. _Now_."

The Locust stretched out a shaky arm and grabbed the lever at his right to switch it up, finally opening the doors that had held the two soldiers from entering.

Upon entering, Marcus made sure to shoot him too, before he thanked him. "Let's go, Dom," the scarred man gestured his friend to catch up as he entered through.

Dom then mumbled to himself, "Y'know… I could've done that too."

Just then, a yellow liquid suddenly spilled all over him from the top, making him freeze in place with eyes wide open. "Uhhh… Please, tell me this is his _blood_ …"

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you guys enjoyed it, and let's see what else I have in store for you guys if I decide to make some weird, comedic stories like this one here. By the way, the two Locusts named Louie and Steve are fictional and belong to me. I believe that they'll also be found in my other comedies, such as "New Man's Best Friend", taking on different roles based on the context of the stories. Other than that, please R&R and, again, expect more written works from me!


End file.
